Drawing A Line

This is the post I thought I would never have to make.  I have lied to myself about being able to take a break and not track. I lied to myself thinking I've been cured of binge eating.  I've gained weight.  33 pounds to be exact, since June.  Yes, I had a dental procedure and have been sick so was on a lot of steroids and antibiotics-which with metabolic syndrome, thyroid issues, and pcos alone make me retain tons of water.  More than that, though, I have eaten everything in sight.  Absolutely everything.  

Lately, I have started my mornings out with the best of intentions, but I haven't been backing those good intentions with any sort of action, so at any moment of weakness, I find myself giving in.  It's easy to stay motivated in the morning-I wake up ready to tackle the day and track my breakfast.  As the day wore on, staying on track was made impossible by not planning and packing my lunch.  I would order what "sounded" good (a cue for emotional eating).  When my kids extracurricular's hit, I didn't plan again, so we ate out.  At first I made good choices, then I didn't. 

Honestly, I had become so frustrated after losing 100 pounds.  I still had over 100lbs left to lose to get anywhere close to goal.  I pouted and ate, then I forgot about my why.

I forgot that I started this journey close to 400 lbs.  I forgot that I couldn't put on my own socks.  I forgot that chairs with arms and restaurant booths were my enemy.  I forgot what it felt like to only watch my family form the sideline of life rather than playing with them and enjoying them.  I forgot about the labored struggle to just breathe and how hard and painful it was to just exist at 400lbs, let alone live.

I don't feel bad or embarrassed that I have such a large gain, I feel angry and motivated. I look into the abyss of what life was like at 400lbs and I am not ready to go back, I am ready to fight back.  I am drawing the line with this gain and I am throwing my anchor.  There's no more feeling bad about how much more I have to lose-no more looking back at all.  I will only be looking forward.  

Today, I am going to be intentional:
I am Meal Planning.
I am drinking my water.
I am tracking my food.
I am going to exercise.
I am going to remember my why.
I am OWNING my journey.

It's not enough for me to have just come this far, my family deserves a mom that is healthy, I deserve to be healthy.  This is me not letting myself slip back into the darkness that I was once in before, because being in the light means actually living.

My name is Sarah and I've lost 67.3lbs.

Are you having any of the same issues? Are you ready to restart your plan-any plan?  Let's do this.