I figured I would follow up my last post with my weigh-in from this morning and a recap of what being back on plan has felt like this past week.
 
I began Monday with intentionally planning my meals and also making time to prepare fresh food.  I made eggs every morning this week with turkey sausage.  I focused on getting protein while also not driving through for fast food.  The result was not choosing to eat a high carb/sugary breakfast that left me energy drained and crashing half way through the morning.
 
Lunches were either homemade unwiches (lettuce wrapped turkey roll ups) with cottage cheese and pickles or just turkey roll ups.   When I was off plan I had been ordering from local Mexican restaurants.  While you can make some great choices from each place, I was choosing, once again, higher calorie and tons of food.  I noticed that I wasn’t as exhausted after eating and had great energy.
 
Dinners were varied throughout the week and you can see pics each night on my Instagram.  I kind of cycled carbs and faced my fears when it came to certain foods.  I used to get so afraid to eat certain foods and felt like I would villainize them if I had a gain a certain week.  This week, I had rice with my shrimp taco bowl and I measured and tracked it.  I was amazed at how full it kept me.  I realize now more than ever the importance for me to face my fears when it comes to food. 
 
Another thing that I think helped me with dinners was changing it up.  Many times I get stuck eating the same thing because I think it “works” better than other foods.  Then I would get burnt out and just give up.  This week I focused on making sure I made time to cook and changed up the menu.  My plan is to continue focusing on making sure I don’t get “stuck” only eating certain meals.
 
Snacking has always been my downfall.  I will let myself get too hungry on the way home from work and by dinner time, pick up something greasy from fast food to “snack” on.  This became known as “first dinner.”  Now I bring an apple or something to tide me over.  I will focus on keeping good real food snacks around.
 
This past week I also utilized healthier food finds that were lower point to fulfill cravings.  One night I had a hankering for sour patch kids, so I had Smart Sweets Sour Blast Buddies.  Other nights I saved points to make a delicious pumpkinny dessert. 
 
Exercise-wise, I focused on fulfilling daily steps.  This week I plan on implementing daily walking.  This will be a mental challenge for me because usually when I introduce exercise I gain.  I realize now, I have to focus on what’s going to make me healthier in the long run, not just get me a loss for the week!
 
All in all, this week I feel confident that I made healthier decisions, mentally and physically.  I wanted to post this recap to kind of journal my feelings for the week and so I could look back when I going through a rough patch and reframe my mind. Hopefully if anyone else out there is running into the same issues, I can help them.

My plan for next week is to continue on my not eating out through the week.  I do reserve the right to have a meal out on the weekends, but on plan.  I also will continue to remember my Why.

This is the post I thought I would never have to make.  I have lied to myself about being able to take a break and not track. I lied to myself thinking I've been cured of binge eating.  I've gained weight.  33 pounds to be exact, since June.  Yes, I had a dental procedure and have been sick so was on a lot of steroids and antibiotics-which with metabolic syndrome, thyroid issues, and pcos alone make me retain tons of water.  More than that, though, I have eaten everything in sight.  Absolutely everything.  

Lately, I have started my mornings out with the best of intentions, but I haven't been backing those good intentions with any sort of action, so at any moment of weakness, I find myself giving in.  It's easy to stay motivated in the morning-I wake up ready to tackle the day and track my breakfast.  As the day wore on, staying on track was made impossible by not planning and packing my lunch.  I would order what "sounded" good (a cue for emotional eating).  When my kids extracurricular's hit, I didn't plan again, so we ate out.  At first I made good choices, then I didn't. 

Honestly, I had become so frustrated after losing 100 pounds.  I still had over 100lbs left to lose to get anywhere close to goal.  I pouted and ate, then I forgot about my why.

I forgot that I started this journey close to 400 lbs.  I forgot that I couldn't put on my own socks.  I forgot that chairs with arms and restaurant booths were my enemy.  I forgot what it felt like to only watch my family form the sideline of life rather than playing with them and enjoying them.  I forgot about the labored struggle to just breathe and how hard and painful it was to just exist at 400lbs, let alone live.

I don't feel bad or embarrassed that I have such a large gain, I feel angry and motivated. I look into the abyss of what life was like at 400lbs and I am not ready to go back, I am ready to fight back.  I am drawing the line with this gain and I am throwing my anchor.  There's no more feeling bad about how much more I have to lose-no more looking back at all.  I will only be looking forward.  

Today, I am going to be intentional:
I am Meal Planning.
I am drinking my water.
I am tracking my food.
I am going to exercise.
I am going to remember my why.
I am OWNING my journey.

It's not enough for me to have just come this far, my family deserves a mom that is healthy, I deserve to be healthy.  This is me not letting myself slip back into the darkness that I was once in before, because being in the light means actually living.

My name is Sarah and I've lost 67.3lbs.

Are you having any of the same issues? Are you ready to restart your plan-any plan?  Let's do this.